The Pain of Change

Ch-ch-ch-changes
I'm not opposed to change. I embrace it and have learned in my lifetime that being able to adapt to changes is absolutely necessary for survival and sanity. The only constant is change, right?

Sometimes we feel uncomfortable not knowing everything, and there is a difference between what you know is best for your learners and what you feel comfortable teaching. Stepping out of your comfort zone is a challenge for many but often necessary to connect with today’s learners. Educators cannot be experts in the many interests and passions of their learners. Simply put, there are just too many. There are too many innovations— too many outlets where students can publish what they’ve produced on these topics. It’s just not possible to be an “expert” in so many fields. By finding a way to connect to students and their passions—by investigating what makes them tick and bridging to academic tasks—educators are modeling risks that encourage the same behavior in their learners. It is possible to make inquiry a process to connect to new people, new content, new networks, new understandings, and new wonderings. It is a lot of work. And it is empowering our students to make important connections to what drives them and what drives them to learn.

When I started my master's program in August of 2014, I quickly got the increasing sense that the world of education is changing more than it ever has in a very short period of time (duh...I know). It used to be that teaching English meant that students learned grammar, spelling, reading, comprehending, analyzing, etc. In high school and college courses, we made analytical arguments and had lively discussions about our interpretations of novels, poems, plays, etc. Every so often, we got to create something: write a poem, short-story, play. This is all still important. At least, I think it is. But, now we need so much more, and little by little I have begun to push my students and to give them more choice and autonomy with class work and projects. What’s interesting is that for some students, there is this frustration or discomfort that they exude. They want to know exactly what to do/produce/write. They want to know how many points each activity/assignment/product is worth and how their grade will be affected. They are afraid of getting something wrong and want to make sure they pass/get a B or an A. I think this is the effect of having experienced a majority of their schooling in a CST, standardized-testing world and am hoping that it lessens as each year passes.

We need to model for our students that change is constant, discomfort is expected and normal, and pushing through it all is the way to handle it.

It's not Just About Tech Tools

Throughout the course of my Master’s program through the University of San Diego I had an increasing sense that the world of education is changing more than it ever has in a very short period of time (duh...I know). It used to be that teaching English meant that students learned grammar, spelling, reading, comprehending, analyzing, etc. In high school and college courses, we made analytical arguments and had lively discussions about our interpretations of novels, poems, plays, etc. Every so often, we got to create something: write a poem, short-story, play. This is all still important. At least, I think it is. But, now we need so much more, and little by little I have begun to push my students in senior English/Language Arts and to give them more choice and autonomy with class work and projects. What’s interesting is that for some students, there is this frustration or discomfort that they exude. They want to know exactly what to do/produce/write. They want to know how many points each activity/assignment/product is worth and how their grade will be affected. They are afraid of getting something wrong and want to make sure they pass/get a B or an A. I think this is the effect of having experienced a majority of their schooling in a CST, standardized-testing world and am hoping that it lessens as each year passes.

In one course, Critical Media Literacy, we read a text by Ernest Morrell entitled “Toward a Critical Pedagogy of Popular Culture: Literacy Development Among Urban Youth,” published in 2002, he makes the case for critical media literacy in our curriculum. This is so long ago, and yet, it seems like we barely scratch the surface of it even though it's been over a decade. As he mentions, a lot is changed but also much remains the same, for example the tenets of critical media literacy. He sees the change as making even more crucial  the need for focus on popular culture in English classes because kids are not just consumers of media, now they are producers of it. And as he says, we should be asking how we can work media production into what we are doing in our classrooms.

Of course, as I say all this I think about the people who will be saying that critical media literacy is not college preparatory and that it doesn't have the value that literature and nonfictional texts have. But nobody is saying that it has to be one or the other. Our curriculum can be augmented with CML, not be replaced by it. So much of the reticence I see in teachers is just from them wanting to do things the way they've always done them. They're reluctant to adopt digital technologies because they didn't see value in replacing paper with a Chromebooks until they learned a little bit more about Google doc sharing and being able to make comments on student papers. It takes examples and specifics and anecdotal evidence to convince reluctant teachers to try new things. Teachers need to see new ideas in action. To this end, I will keep taking risks in my own classroom.

My biggest takeaway from my all the digital courses in my Master’s program was a new way to look at all my curriculum, at each and every lesson and activity, to evaluate it all with a critical eye. Technology in the classroom isn’t just about learning how to use Kahoot or Socrative. It’s also about being critical practitioners and reflecting about our practice, and quite often needing to stop doing what we’ve been doing just because that’s what we’ve always done and that’s what we’re comfortable doing.

Learning Challenge-Parker

End of the Road for the Meditation Blogs

The internet is a wondrous tool. We all know this. Some of us know this more than others and in more ways than others. I’ve just begun to learn about online communities, affinity spaces, professional groups, and many other places to connect with people. I’m still a newbie when it comes to reaching out to others in the digital world, and to be honest, it’s still a little awkward for me, which is weird considering how many people find face-to-face socializing awkward. But that’s just the way I’m built. In my quest to make meditation a part of my life, I’ve explored online sources and communities. While I find the information extremely valuable, I prefer physical communities to digital ones.

Just to wrap up this whole meditation journey, here’s what I’ve learned:

• Learning how to meditate is more than that. It is learning how to take time out of our busy day and relax. Not sitting in front of the tv or computer screen to zone out. It's being focused.
• There is a huge difference between an empty mind and a focused mind.
• I’ve learned that mediation can be more than a way to relax. It can also be a way to reshape your brain. Reshape your brain! As in physically change the way it works!
• I’ve found out that many of my colleagues not only practice meditation regularly but are willing and happy to share their expertise and offer support and advice.
• I’ve learned about this thing called the monkey mind. All these years, all those times I thought I was losing my mind and wanted to claw my way out of my own body, I was experiencing the same inner chaos that many other people experience when life is at its most stressful. I only wish I’d had the strength to force myself to try meditation 15 or 20 years ago. Then again, I wonder if the strength and patience required to practice meditation is something that comes to some of us with age.
• Always check that you spelled it meditation, not mediation or medication.

Most of all, I’ve learned to just keep doing it and that it is very much worth the time spent to do so.

Reviewing and Reaching Out

When we set out to learn about a new hobby, we do some online research about it and think we can keep all that information in our head. The reality is we can’t, at least I can't. Sometimes we need to go back and re-read and find new articles and blogs with different perspectives until we find one or two that click with our style of learning or way of thinking and processing. Also, reading a piece for a second or third time also allows us to pick up on nuances that we may have missed the first time around, especially with regard to something new and unfamiliar to us. Now that I’ve had some personal experience with meditation, I can revisit the original sites and look for new perspectives as well.

I scanned the Gaiam website again and found one helpful tidbit that I missed the first time around. They describe “mindful meditation” and encourage practitioners to "observe wandering thoughts as they drift through the mind." So all this battling against my random thoughts is a waste of time and obviously counterproductive. I can't stop the flow, and I shouldn't try. I just have to let them happen without judgment, which is truly the hard part with everything that I do and something to really focus on. Another interesting idea that I found on the wikiHow website is visualization. They suggest to create a “peaceful place in your mind and explore it until you reach a state of complete calm.” I discounted this idea when I first reviewed this website thinking that it would be too distracting, but now I’m thinking this could work better for me. It would give me something to focus my thoughts on, which I actually do at night when I can’t sleep (I replay the movie Notting Hill in my head). Also, visualizing myself floating on a raft over big ocean waves is what got me through labor, so it makes perfect sense to use this method. Each of the websites reminded me that practicing meditation is about the journey and that every step along the way is beneficial. I may not make it to Yogi status, but that isn’t really the point.

I know there are communities out there that could support me in my efforts, but honestly, I just don’t have much experience using the internet that way. I’m more of a face-to-face communicator, and even then I’m fairly private about what goes on in my life. I mentioned that I told one of my colleagues about taking on meditation, and it was completely random that I ran into him on prep and that it came up in conversation, which ended up being quite serendipitous since he had lots of advice to offer! No matter how many times this happens to me, where sharing with someone enriches my knowledge or experience in some way, I’m always reticent to share the next time. It’s something out of my comfort zone that I just need to force myself to do more often. 

So, along those lines, what’s out there for budding meditators such as myself? I found a community called Spiritual Forums. It’s free and will allow me to post messages, respond to polls, and gain access to their Chat Rooms. There’s also Project Meditation, another place to post messages and have discussions. I like the idea of just reading about the discussions for now. Much of the advice is consistent: just keep practicing.

Failure is an Option

My journey to learn how to meditate began this week, and the road was rather bumpy. I spoke about my goals to a colleague at work, and he cautioned me that the journey would be sometimes difficult and frustrating but to persevere and not get discouraged when I failed at it. He had started meditating in the past year and found it challenging yet well worth the time spent doing it. Apparently, like anything else, meditation takes a ton of practice, so my hopes for sooner rather than later gratification were dashed. But, I remained resolute in my quest and encouraged upon hearing about someone else’s struggles. I know it won’t be easy, and I know that it will take time.

One of the meditation resources that I found claims that you can meditate anywhere. So, on Monday I tried it in my classroom, after school of course, sitting at my desk with my arms resting on my thighs and my palms facing up. The cross-legged-on-the-floor position doesn't work for me because I spend the whole time trying not to slouch. Then my back starts to hurt, and I lament the fact that I have weak abs and how I should do planks more often. So, I was comfortable, back supported nicely, and breathing deeply while reminding myself to focus on the moment, and very soon I discovered that I can actually fall asleep sitting up. At one point, right before drifting off, I remember wondering if I had indeed arrived the transcendental realm of successful meditation. I felt so relaxed and comfortable, and then I did that thing where your whole body jolts awake as you feel yourself falling. The next day, I tried meditating while lying down at home. This was a big mistake, and I definitely fell asleep, and fast. The good news is that when I have trouble falling asleep at night, the mediation techniques help me relax. The bad news is that actual mediation makes me fall asleep. I started to think that maybe I wasn’t sleeping long enough or well enough at night, so I made sure to go bed early that night. The next day’s attempt was a bit more successful. I stayed awake and was able to relax, somewhat, but my thoughts kept drifting all over the place. I found myself really struggling with quieting my mind and wondered how I could stay focused and mindful without actually thinking. It seems like a contradiction in terms, and I couldn't help feeling that I was doing something wrong.

I reflected on my unsuccessful attempts, and started to think that maybe one way to quiet my mind is to stop questioning whether or not I’m doing it right and to just do it. It’s hard to shut off the adult brain, the part that evaluates and critiques and is so noisy and judgmental. I think about when I was in first grade and got a Spin Art machine for my birthday. I eagerly experimented with colors and created what I thought were beautiful works of art, beautiful enough to go up and down the streets of my neighborhood and try to sell them for 5, 10, or 25 cents, whatever anyone was willing to pay. To this day I can hardly believe I had the nerve to walk up to the doors of strangers and bare my soul. If I had to do Spin Art and sell it now, I would spend hours second-guessing and questioning myself over every aspect and worrying about whether or not my creations were good enough. I couldn't do what I did when I was six because I've lost some of my ability to take risks. The child mind doesn't worry about failure and is focused on the task at hand. There are no thoughts about needing to pick up more dog food or to clean the shower before the mildew takes over. I started to think that I could be more successful at many things, including meditation, if I can tap into that mindset, the nothing-matters-but-what’s-right-in-front-of-me-right-now guileless, risk-taking mind of my childhood.

The Quest for Inner Peace

Meditation Anyone?

Apparently, there are people all over the world who mediate. They do this quite regularly, and it’s supposed to be really good for you. Did you know this? You probably did. And, you probably sat down and tried it once or twice, like I've done, and really gave it a go. I really and truly tried, but it never quite clicked for me. I kept thinking about things that I needed to do after I was done meditating, cleaning, making dinner, grading, trimming my toenails, really pressing stuff. One time I spent the whole time trying to decide on a mantra. I read that you’re supposed to pick a word that doesn’t meant anything and that doesn't evoke any ideas at all, but every word I came up with reminded me of something. Clearly, my mediation efforts have not been successful. I never even came close to that transcendental state where everything in your mind stops, and you are one with your breathing and the earth and everyone in the universe. I remember reading about the power of meditation in some study that was done years ago in Washington, D.C. where a whole bunch of people came from all over to sit and meditate for several weeks, and the crime rate actually went down. So, it’s even good for people who aren’t doing it but who happen to be nearby.

Years ago, my ex-husband and I went to a marriage counselor, and she recommended a book called The Relaxation Response. We got the book and both read some of it, but we didn’t stick with it for long. We both learned that meditation takes a lot of time and dedication, and with full time jobs and two small children we were just too overwhelmed. Years later I read Eat, Pray, Love and felt Elizabeth Gilbert’s pain as she tried to ignore her thoughts, her hunger, and the mosquitos biting, but she eventually succeeded. I envied her diligence and wrote off my own shortcomings as geographically- and financially-related issues. After all, I could be successful at mediation, too, if I could quit my job and go to Indonesia for a month.  The reality is that that will likely never happen, but I still want to learn how to achieve that mindful focus and inner calm. My goal is to set aside a half hour every day to practice, and with practice I hope to achieve success and reap some of the many benefits: less anxiety, lower cortisol levels, improved blood circulation, better sleep, and just an all over sense of well-being and peacefulness.

To help me with my goal, I found several sources for techniques and tips:

• http://life.gaiam.com/article/meditation-101-techniques-benefits-beginner-s-how
• http://www.how-to-meditate.org/
• http://www.wikihow.com/Meditate
• http://goodlifezen.com/how-to-start-meditating-ten-important-tips/

After a quick scan of these sources, I found that they list many similar ideas about the basics of meditation, and they are especially encouraging and reassuring that many of us start with the same crazy, unruly mind that seems impossible to control. We just need to stick with it, and, in time, the onslaught of random thoughts lessens as the mind is more and more able to stay focused on the singular task of mediation. With my arsenal of information and support, I’m ready to begin my journey!