Learning Challenge-Parker

End of the Road for the Meditation Blogs

The internet is a wondrous tool. We all know this. Some of us know this more than others and in more ways than others. I’ve just begun to learn about online communities, affinity spaces, professional groups, and many other places to connect with people. I’m still a newbie when it comes to reaching out to others in the digital world, and to be honest, it’s still a little awkward for me, which is weird considering how many people find face-to-face socializing awkward. But that’s just the way I’m built. In my quest to make meditation a part of my life, I’ve explored online sources and communities. While I find the information extremely valuable, I prefer physical communities to digital ones.

Just to wrap up this whole meditation journey, here’s what I’ve learned:

• Learning how to meditate is more than that. It is learning how to take time out of our busy day and relax. Not sitting in front of the tv or computer screen to zone out. It's being focused.
• There is a huge difference between an empty mind and a focused mind.
• I’ve learned that mediation can be more than a way to relax. It can also be a way to reshape your brain. Reshape your brain! As in physically change the way it works!
• I’ve found out that many of my colleagues not only practice meditation regularly but are willing and happy to share their expertise and offer support and advice.
• I’ve learned about this thing called the monkey mind. All these years, all those times I thought I was losing my mind and wanted to claw my way out of my own body, I was experiencing the same inner chaos that many other people experience when life is at its most stressful. I only wish I’d had the strength to force myself to try meditation 15 or 20 years ago. Then again, I wonder if the strength and patience required to practice meditation is something that comes to some of us with age.
• Always check that you spelled it meditation, not mediation or medication.

Most of all, I’ve learned to just keep doing it and that it is very much worth the time spent to do so.

Reviewing and Reaching Out

When we set out to learn about a new hobby, we do some online research about it and think we can keep all that information in our head. The reality is we can’t, at least I can't. Sometimes we need to go back and re-read and find new articles and blogs with different perspectives until we find one or two that click with our style of learning or way of thinking and processing. Also, reading a piece for a second or third time also allows us to pick up on nuances that we may have missed the first time around, especially with regard to something new and unfamiliar to us. Now that I’ve had some personal experience with meditation, I can revisit the original sites and look for new perspectives as well.

I scanned the Gaiam website again and found one helpful tidbit that I missed the first time around. They describe “mindful meditation” and encourage practitioners to "observe wandering thoughts as they drift through the mind." So all this battling against my random thoughts is a waste of time and obviously counterproductive. I can't stop the flow, and I shouldn't try. I just have to let them happen without judgment, which is truly the hard part with everything that I do and something to really focus on. Another interesting idea that I found on the wikiHow website is visualization. They suggest to create a “peaceful place in your mind and explore it until you reach a state of complete calm.” I discounted this idea when I first reviewed this website thinking that it would be too distracting, but now I’m thinking this could work better for me. It would give me something to focus my thoughts on, which I actually do at night when I can’t sleep (I replay the movie Notting Hill in my head). Also, visualizing myself floating on a raft over big ocean waves is what got me through labor, so it makes perfect sense to use this method. Each of the websites reminded me that practicing meditation is about the journey and that every step along the way is beneficial. I may not make it to Yogi status, but that isn’t really the point.

I know there are communities out there that could support me in my efforts, but honestly, I just don’t have much experience using the internet that way. I’m more of a face-to-face communicator, and even then I’m fairly private about what goes on in my life. I mentioned that I told one of my colleagues about taking on meditation, and it was completely random that I ran into him on prep and that it came up in conversation, which ended up being quite serendipitous since he had lots of advice to offer! No matter how many times this happens to me, where sharing with someone enriches my knowledge or experience in some way, I’m always reticent to share the next time. It’s something out of my comfort zone that I just need to force myself to do more often. 

So, along those lines, what’s out there for budding meditators such as myself? I found a community called Spiritual Forums. It’s free and will allow me to post messages, respond to polls, and gain access to their Chat Rooms. There’s also Project Meditation, another place to post messages and have discussions. I like the idea of just reading about the discussions for now. Much of the advice is consistent: just keep practicing.

Failure is an Option

My journey to learn how to meditate began this week, and the road was rather bumpy. I spoke about my goals to a colleague at work, and he cautioned me that the journey would be sometimes difficult and frustrating but to persevere and not get discouraged when I failed at it. He had started meditating in the past year and found it challenging yet well worth the time spent doing it. Apparently, like anything else, meditation takes a ton of practice, so my hopes for sooner rather than later gratification were dashed. But, I remained resolute in my quest and encouraged upon hearing about someone else’s struggles. I know it won’t be easy, and I know that it will take time.

One of the meditation resources that I found claims that you can meditate anywhere. So, on Monday I tried it in my classroom, after school of course, sitting at my desk with my arms resting on my thighs and my palms facing up. The cross-legged-on-the-floor position doesn't work for me because I spend the whole time trying not to slouch. Then my back starts to hurt, and I lament the fact that I have weak abs and how I should do planks more often. So, I was comfortable, back supported nicely, and breathing deeply while reminding myself to focus on the moment, and very soon I discovered that I can actually fall asleep sitting up. At one point, right before drifting off, I remember wondering if I had indeed arrived the transcendental realm of successful meditation. I felt so relaxed and comfortable, and then I did that thing where your whole body jolts awake as you feel yourself falling. The next day, I tried meditating while lying down at home. This was a big mistake, and I definitely fell asleep, and fast. The good news is that when I have trouble falling asleep at night, the mediation techniques help me relax. The bad news is that actual mediation makes me fall asleep. I started to think that maybe I wasn’t sleeping long enough or well enough at night, so I made sure to go bed early that night. The next day’s attempt was a bit more successful. I stayed awake and was able to relax, somewhat, but my thoughts kept drifting all over the place. I found myself really struggling with quieting my mind and wondered how I could stay focused and mindful without actually thinking. It seems like a contradiction in terms, and I couldn't help feeling that I was doing something wrong.

I reflected on my unsuccessful attempts, and started to think that maybe one way to quiet my mind is to stop questioning whether or not I’m doing it right and to just do it. It’s hard to shut off the adult brain, the part that evaluates and critiques and is so noisy and judgmental. I think about when I was in first grade and got a Spin Art machine for my birthday. I eagerly experimented with colors and created what I thought were beautiful works of art, beautiful enough to go up and down the streets of my neighborhood and try to sell them for 5, 10, or 25 cents, whatever anyone was willing to pay. To this day I can hardly believe I had the nerve to walk up to the doors of strangers and bare my soul. If I had to do Spin Art and sell it now, I would spend hours second-guessing and questioning myself over every aspect and worrying about whether or not my creations were good enough. I couldn't do what I did when I was six because I've lost some of my ability to take risks. The child mind doesn't worry about failure and is focused on the task at hand. There are no thoughts about needing to pick up more dog food or to clean the shower before the mildew takes over. I started to think that I could be more successful at many things, including meditation, if I can tap into that mindset, the nothing-matters-but-what’s-right-in-front-of-me-right-now guileless, risk-taking mind of my childhood.

The Quest for Inner Peace

Meditation Anyone?

Apparently, there are people all over the world who mediate. They do this quite regularly, and it’s supposed to be really good for you. Did you know this? You probably did. And, you probably sat down and tried it once or twice, like I've done, and really gave it a go. I really and truly tried, but it never quite clicked for me. I kept thinking about things that I needed to do after I was done meditating, cleaning, making dinner, grading, trimming my toenails, really pressing stuff. One time I spent the whole time trying to decide on a mantra. I read that you’re supposed to pick a word that doesn’t meant anything and that doesn't evoke any ideas at all, but every word I came up with reminded me of something. Clearly, my mediation efforts have not been successful. I never even came close to that transcendental state where everything in your mind stops, and you are one with your breathing and the earth and everyone in the universe. I remember reading about the power of meditation in some study that was done years ago in Washington, D.C. where a whole bunch of people came from all over to sit and meditate for several weeks, and the crime rate actually went down. So, it’s even good for people who aren’t doing it but who happen to be nearby.

Years ago, my ex-husband and I went to a marriage counselor, and she recommended a book called The Relaxation Response. We got the book and both read some of it, but we didn’t stick with it for long. We both learned that meditation takes a lot of time and dedication, and with full time jobs and two small children we were just too overwhelmed. Years later I read Eat, Pray, Love and felt Elizabeth Gilbert’s pain as she tried to ignore her thoughts, her hunger, and the mosquitos biting, but she eventually succeeded. I envied her diligence and wrote off my own shortcomings as geographically- and financially-related issues. After all, I could be successful at mediation, too, if I could quit my job and go to Indonesia for a month.  The reality is that that will likely never happen, but I still want to learn how to achieve that mindful focus and inner calm. My goal is to set aside a half hour every day to practice, and with practice I hope to achieve success and reap some of the many benefits: less anxiety, lower cortisol levels, improved blood circulation, better sleep, and just an all over sense of well-being and peacefulness.

To help me with my goal, I found several sources for techniques and tips:

• http://life.gaiam.com/article/meditation-101-techniques-benefits-beginner-s-how
• http://www.how-to-meditate.org/
• http://www.wikihow.com/Meditate
• http://goodlifezen.com/how-to-start-meditating-ten-important-tips/

After a quick scan of these sources, I found that they list many similar ideas about the basics of meditation, and they are especially encouraging and reassuring that many of us start with the same crazy, unruly mind that seems impossible to control. We just need to stick with it, and, in time, the onslaught of random thoughts lessens as the mind is more and more able to stay focused on the singular task of mediation. With my arsenal of information and support, I’m ready to begin my journey!

Try and Try Again

Teen Chef

If you have teenagers, you know that one of the most important meals of their day is lunner. It’s the meal between lunch and dinner and takes place after school and as soon as they walk in the door. It usually follows two things: opening the refrigerator and/or pantry, and the question “what’s for dinner?” I was certainly no different when I was in high school,  and my list of possible items to eat included Swansons Turkey Pot Pie, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, Betty Crocker Fudge Brownies, or, in desperation, toast. Clearly I had absolutely no concern for my health and feeding myself overly-processed foods was not at the top of my list of concerns. Mainly, I got bored of my limited culinary repertoire and grew tired of only being able to cook food that came out of a box or fit into a toaster.

When senior year came, early dismissal from school came along with it. Suddenly I had much more time to futz around the kitchen and get more creative with my meals. I started paying attention to the recipes in my Seventeen magazine and came across one for a fluffy cheese omelette. I had always enjoyed scrambled eggs, and the idea of stepping up my skills and taking on the challenge of a perfectly-folded, golden, cheesy egg dish was a perfect way to start. It took many attempts since none of our skillets were non-stick, but I did achieve success, feeling as though I could conquer the world. I began cutting recipes out of any magazine I could find, my own Seventeen magazine each month, Redbook and Ladies Home Journal at the orthodontist office, and I soon had a shoebox of enough clippings to start my own cooking show. Most were not very complicated. There was one for cucumber and cheese sandwiches on toasted bread with the crusts cut off and portioned into little triangles, very British high tea and a complete novelty in my limited life experience. I would write a grocery list of items from my recipes for my mother to pick up on her next trips to the store, and she would happily oblige. As I experimented with different recipes, I became intrigued by various herbs and spices and found dill weed to be one of my favorites. My father still can't stand the taste or smell of it to this day, and any time he caught the slightest whiff of it would growl, "Ugh! You're cooking with that crappy dill weed again!"

I remember that some of the language used in the recipes was confusing. It took many trials and errors to learn that "t" is for teaspoon and "T" is for tablespoon, and that you were supposed to use special measuring utensils, not your regular silverware. "Softened" butter did not mean melted butter and would cause your chocolate chip cookies to come out like one big crepe if you confused the two ideas. There was no internet and no cooking channel, and it would take many years until I would learn the myriad nuances of cooking, the difference between minced and chopped for example, but I honed my skills and found that I had a knack for taking basic recipes and improving on them, or at least making them to my own taste. I would come across dishes at restaurants and recreate them at home: Hobees' breakfast potatoes, their Florentine scramble, and the Cheesecake Factory's chicken Dijon. Over the years my arsenal of recipes has expanded while access to new ones has increased exponentially, and I still get excited to try new ones that I now collect in my digital shoeboxes.

Old Dog-New Tricks

In one of my recent courses, Teaching Digital Writers, I learned about the power of collaborative writing and had the opportunity to try it out in with my regular seniors this past December. I was skeptical, even as I was creating the assignment, that it would be a successful endeavor and was concerned about the effectiveness of it. I kept thinking about how many students dread doing group projects for various reasons, often complaining about one person shouldering the majority of the work or having difficulties compromising and weaker students having to capitulate to the stronger ones.

I had done a few collaborative writing pieces earlier in the year, not digitally, but in class on paper, old-school. One was creative writing circles in which students began writing stories for five-minute cycle, passed the stories around to the next person in the circle, and continued writing for another five-minute cycle, and so on until the story ended up back with the person who started it. This is an assignment students usually enjoy, getting many laughs at seeing where their stories ended up. We also did a collaborative poem in which everybody contributed specific literary elements individually and then put their words together in one piece. This was a new project for me this year and seemed to work well for students, probably because many were uncomfortable writing poetry at first, so doing it as a group was much less daunting.

After attending the Google Apps for Education conference last January, I could see a ton of potential with different collaborative writing environments. We just got Chrome carts this year, and I had the opportunity to incorporate digital collaboration into my classes. I started rethinking the writing assessment for my philosophy unit, specifically with an analysis paragraphs that I would normally have them do at the end of the unit, and I decided to take a leap and have them do it as a collaborative piece. The results were amazing! I gave students the option of doing the paragraph with a partner or alone, and only three students out of 160 opted to work by themselves. I had them working with the Chromebooks in class and rearranged my room to be more conducive to partner work and to enable me to more easily walk around to assist them. I was expecting them to have lots of questions and to be running around, so I made sure to wear comfortable shoes and bring lots of water.

I was absolutely dumbfounded when I found that they hardly needed me at all. It was the complete opposite experience of past writing workshops where students worked on individual pieces. Those days exhaust me, but they are also the days I feel like I actually teach something as I help students craft thesis statements, intros, and analysis chunks. I realized that they didn’t need me as much because they were talking to each other, planning their leads, arguing over which pieces of evidence were stronger, cautioning each other when there was too much summary and not enough analysis, and crafting clever closing statements. The depth of their discussions about the excerpts we had read over the course of the prior six weeks was far greater than any of the seminars we’d had to analyze them. I realized that when they work on pieces by themselves, they tend to only collaborate with me, and with one of me and 30 to 36 of them, things get crazy. I sat at my table in the back of the room, my mouth agape, and watched them, awestruck and excited that the assignment was a success. As I graded them over winter break, I found that I was excited to read them and proud of what they had produced, and having half the work to grade was an added bonus.

Since then we have done two more collaborative pieces.  One was a digital writing piece but more of a collage with each person having their own section of opinion on the topic of what to do with juveniles who commit heinous crimes. The second was a group project in which they put together a persuasive digital piece on a tool or app of their choosing. I have shared these experiences with my department and with the social studies teachers who are my neighbors that I see every day at break and lunch, touting the benefits of collaborative writing and how mind-blowing it is to watch students do it, and several of them have tried it in their classes with the same success.

Sometimes trying something new arises from boredom, and sometimes the impetus is comes from exposure to new information. Either way, it takes a willingness to try and a willingness to fail. When I made that first omelette, I didn’t have much to lose and wasn’t worried about what would happened if I failed. Even though it was burnt on the bottom, I still ate it. I kept working at, and I got better while the omelettes got more edible. When I tried the first collaborative writing assignment, I was worried about failing, but I figured I’d find a way to make it work. Maybe all my little failures in the kitchen, and my subsequent efforts to figure out how to improve, have given me the confidence to try new things elsewhere. I just figure I’ll find a way to make it work, no matter what the task is.